Changes

So the guy I am seeing (who is in VA for a training camp for the IFL) called me the other day to tell me that he got offered a coaching position at Hampton University where he went to school and played football. He doesnt know if he is going to take the position or not. Right now he wants to play because he loves the sport so much and he is really good. But he will not be returning to Omaha to play for the Beef who he played for for the last 2 years. They have so many problems on the business side that often times their players dont even get paid. He cant continue to work for a corp who doesnt recognize his skill and compinsate him as he deserves.

So this means I have alot to think about. He said that if he did take the position he would be sending me 3 one way tickets to VA to come and join him with the boys. They know him but we didnt flaunt our relationship in front of them becuase we didnt know where our relationship would go.

But this is what I have been looking for right? Someone who liked me for me, accepted the boys, someone who can give as much as i do in the relationship. Kyle is such a gentlemen. He has been taking care of his mom and sister since he was in highschool and so he has that desire to take care of me too. part of what attracted me to him is his gentle manner but the fact that is a go getter is the other aspect of it. Lots of guys are nice but have no drive to succeed-that is not Kyle.

Could I really pick up and go with the boys? Take them from Omaha and all their friends and family here? Could I take them away fromt their dad? That is a fight that I dont know if I could endure right now. He said he understands all that and his other option is to continue to play for the IFL in Chicago. That would be closer and would allow me to see my family more when I went to his games and my family could meet him.

I havent been very vocal about our relationship becuase he is so nice I was kinda afraid he was to good to be true! I have had my share of failed relationships and my family tends to judge. I am going to to Hawaii with Kyle for Christmas and my mom is not happy about it. For once, my sister is supporting me in my decision to go and that made my day when she told me that.

Sometimes I tend to feel like I am just stuck not moving forward or backwards, just stuck in this life I have created for myself and my kids. As long as the kids are happy I remain content but almost complacent. That is not what I wanted in life.

Going to VA and starting over may be just what we need. I hate starting over though beucase i have had to do it so many times. i do it, i make it happen but its hard and I just want to simplify my life. I dont want to have to continue to struggle, i dont want to continue to just get by.

Kyle makes me happy and that is what my mom says she wants for me. She wants to me to be happy. But i bet thats not what she meant. she wants to me to move back home. While it would be so great to have the boys around my parents and my church family, it would mean taken them away from everyone here that loves them. I'm stuck now between a rock and a hard place...

i have much more thinking to do and i hope that i come up with something soon becuase Kyle is a wonderful man and I dont want to lose him even if we just remain friends.